6-25-95

Found on head:

Bought swan a. Said own a. Air is own a. Oh claw home a. Cow leaf horn a. Call a rod oh.

It is leaving the juice and entering my blood.
#II#I#II#I#II#I#II#I#II#I#II#I#II#I#II#I#II#I#II#I#II#I#II#I#II#I#II#I#II#I#II

6-26-95

While reading the "On the Art of Symbolism" chapter of Some Mystical Adventures, I paused to look around the coffee shop to see if i could find any symbols to contemplate. On the window of the shop was a palm tree logo that brought to mind the ancient mystical symbol of the tree: with its branches stretching outward and up, and its roots stretching inversely. I continued reading on into the next chapter: The Self-Taught. On page 196 I came across this: "This Will is really Power, animating root-substance. Roots grow downward and branched grow upward." I found both of these chapters intensely fascinating, The thrill I recieved from experiencing these two chapters was better than sex in many ways. Between the lines...

SsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsS

6-27-95

Fuck what I've written already. There will be time for rewriting that stuff when I'm old. The journal for the next year will be a different creature than this. Each entry will be one page long at least. I feel this is necessary to facilitate my growth and strengthin my ability and endurance. This will also prompt me to lessen the pauses between the words and thoughts. I want to move furthur into the alpha. Literary laxitive. Step it up. I have changed. I feel a need to harmonize my writing with my life. Deeper, greater, furthur, higher. It is up to me to challenge myself, and no one else.

NEWSFLASH:

While looking for a quote that I am thinking is in The Book of the Law I came across this;

Book Two -
24. Behold! these be grave mysteries; for there are also of my friends who be hermits. Now think not to find them in the forest or in the mountain; but in beds of purple, caresses by beasts of women with large limbs, and fire and light in their eyes., and masses of flaming hair about them; there shall ye find them. Ye shall see them at rule, ay victorious armies, at all the joy; and there shall be in them a joy a million times greater than this. Beware lest any force another, King against King! Love with one another with burning hearts; on the low men trample in the fierce lust of your pride, in the day of your wrath.

In '93 when the Quest took place I was 24. I was desocializing, living as a hermit. The quest was launched on the purple night with the Prophet, and since that night, purple has been my focus. My tortured nerves sought out the brawny touch of the Fire Woman. For two years, this is where I have been.

This day the purple envelopes me. The rejected Purple Stone; rejected by the White Rabbit, purified by the Virgin, Hangs about my neck. My tube is purple, wrapped with cords of gold and sealed by the Dragon. The Throne that was uneasy yesterday is my seat today. Once the fortune passes through.

Now, the quote that I searched for is found:

Book Two -
70. There is help and hope in other spells. Wisdom says : be strong! Then canst thou bear more joy. Be not animal ; refine thy rapture! If thou drink, drink by the eight and ninety rules of the art : if thou love, exceed by delicacy ; and if though do ought be joyous, let there be subtlty therein!

Fortune twice runs through. And three makes one. None.

?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*?!*

6-28-95

And thrice makes twice.

Blossoming of the ego, pride, and reason. Noth inking. Ass idge as. Sing to me. Fosterizing geneopoly.

My compulsion to lounge is undermining my word attention. Sex sexual sexily succulent sacred secretive salvageable recogognizable. Counting on the figures. Vanquishing of everything. Meditative calculation
Inundative circulation

I was just meditating on an arrowhead that I found at Joshua Tree earlier this year. As a kid, I used to walk around my Grandfathers fields and pastures looking for arrowheads to no avail. To me, an arrowhead had little value if it was not found by the owner of it. My Grandfather found dozens through the years by happenstance. Years later, by happenstance, I found this one. How long had it lain there? I asked myself. How many times had it been consumed and exposed by the sands? In my minds eye I watched a thousand years of desert in a span of seconds. How many times will my car be consumed and exposed through the ages?

Expression. I have a mystic nature that is ever present and open to exploration through its expression. Why have I not chosen to express it more often that I have? Why have I neglected to avail myself of this option? My awareness has been blunted and weakened by self imposed limits on time/space. I have the capacity to expand my breadth of consciousness indefinitely. By neglecting to recognise this, I have chosen universal isolation.

/./.././.././.././.././.././.././.././.././.././.././.././.././.././.././..

6-30-95

See Dick run.

9:36pm
One cup of coffee, two loads, and I'm chewing on a brownie as I type. I have been writing most every night for the past two years. And so, here am I. I have literally meandered to this place that I find myself. Happenstance. There's that word again. For my next phase of writing I'm going to build a structure to work within for a yet to be determined amount of time. Definition. Direction. Determination. Life as I have come to know it is coming to an end. My left hand knows not what my right hand is doing. I can see the value in that. It is nice to know that both hands are in the game. This game of life.

9:51pm
Master. Structure. Perameter.

If my writing acts as a mirror, I can pull myself into it, or climb out of it. Make that 'and.' And climb out of it. The simultaneous inbreath/exhale of the eternal life. Synchronous. Synchronicity.

2:22am
Topic per month that fits within the yearly topic. What topic could I focus on for a year?

2:40am
Down slides the juice.
Self teaching, self manipulation. Twelve steps? This is, once again, the final entry in the Mean Time. Chaos. Discord, when contrasted to chaos, is a welcom change. Will the Diety of Discord reveal herself to me again, in the ushering in of the phase that bears her cross?

2:57am
I breathe deeply.

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